Who Is In Charge?

Today I am going to ask a question to all you pregnant mama’s out there.  “Who is in charge of your body?”  I think most of you answered: “I am.”  We all know, and feel deeply, that our bodies belong to us.  We live in our bodies therefore we are responsible for their upkeep and well-being.  It would not be wise to surrender that responsibility without careful checking and trust.  Now let me ask another question.  “Who is in charge of your pregnancy and birth?”  I think most of us are pausing right now to answer that one.  Or perhaps you answered as before, “I am,” but do you really mean it?  Are you truly in charge of your pregnancy or have you somewhere along the way surrendered your control to another?  A professional, perhaps?  Or a relation?  Expert advice?

In today’s post I want to ask you to examine your behavior since becoming pregnant.  Or if you’ve already had your baby, “how did you behave while pregnant and birthing?”  Do you feel truly that you know what is best for your body, your baby, and your birth?  Do we really have any right to feel that way?  Surely our doctors, midwives, nurses, or specialists have a say in our body and the process since that is what they have trained for?  It does feel a bit uncertain, though, doesn’t it?  From the moment we become pregnant, we are rocketed into a whole world of terminology and physiological symptoms and we need to learn to speak and act with authority on these subjects!  Which is no easy task (unless you are a pregnant doctor, midwife, nurse or specialist!)  No matter the childbirth classes we’ve taken or not taken, or the books we’ve read or not read, we will always feel a bit uncertain about our decisions until we decide to answer the question of, who, ultimately, is in charge?

And, why does who is in charge even matter?  It matters because we are all unique individuals so what is important to me , may not be important to you.  Who is in charge matters because it answers the question of who, ultimately, is responsible for ensuring a positive and satisfying pregnancy and birth experience.  We, the pregnant and birthing women, are the ones responsible.  For a first-time pregnant mama, going about establishing her control over her body and her pregnancy involves surrounding herself with a support network of people she respects and trusts.  By so doing she retains her sense of control in a situation entirely new and unfamiliar.  For mamas who have given birth before, being in charge can look different in that we may choose to have less people around because we know enough to be assertive about what is important to us.

I guess assertiveness, is ultimately, the point I am driving at.  Becoming pregnant is the first step on a long journey towards taking charge of ourselves.  Somehow, having a baby in our belly forces us to make decisions about what we want in an entirely new manner.  What would have been a matter of indifference before now takes on a whole new level of meaning when we realize it involves a whole other life other than our own.  And this is as it should be.  We need to grow into parenting, and pregnancy is the first step on that journey.  Deciding who is in charge helps us place responsibility squarely on our own shoulders, which although it may seem like a huge burden, it is actually a great relief.  Really!  Who knows us better than we do?  Who knows our private fears, worries, dreams and desires?  When we give others that control we run the risk of squelching our personal feelings as unimportant since someone else knows best.  By being in charge, we can listen to advice from doctors and nurses, midwives and other birth workers, and we can know that we are the ones who get to decide whether or not to follow.  Being pregnant doesn’t mean surrendering your body to the experts for the duration.  It means owning your body and your birth by deciding to be in charge.