I've been thinking a lot lately about the unique needs of first time parents. I know I was once a first-timer myself, but still it's hard to think about what specifically would have benefited me--what I would have liked to have known before giving birth for the first time. Plus, each person differs in their approach/experience going into birth for the first time. Some women have very specific expectations and know a lot about the birth process and what they want out of it. Others feel less sure, less experienced and feel good leaving themselves open to whatever comes. I'd like to point out also that no matter how much a woman "knows" about birth beforehand; it doesn't mean she is prepared to birth.
I knew a lot before giving birth to my firstborn. I had read millions of books (seriously) and I had attended a Bradley Childbirth class, which met for 12 consecutive Sundays for 2 hours each. Talk about intense preparation. I'd like to think that even though I wouldn't classify my first birth as a good birth, I still knew enough to make informed choices and surround myself with loving supportive people--which makes a huge difference.
So, having a lot of information meant that I could make informed decisions about my labor and birth. It didn't mean that I stuck with my convictions--the opposite was true. I didn't want my water broken or to have an episiotomy--I ended up with both, and when they were offered I gladly accepted them. On the other hand, somewhere in my subconscious I avoided a cesarean by making sure that whenever I mentioned wanting one I was only in the presence of my husband and not one of the midwives. I think that was my way of giving voice to the pain I was feeling without opening myself up to the possibility that I would be taken seriously.
I also had my mother and sisters there with me and my husband. Unfortunately, at the time neither my mother nor sisters had experience with vaginal birth. I say unfortunately because that meant none of them could give me the encouragement/support that I so desperately needed. Having a loving, compassionate person with you at a birth is a step in the right direction, but if labor is long or complicated nothing beats having a trained professional by your side.
I've written before that sometimes a midwife can offer that trained, compassionate support, but the point I need to stress is that just because someone is a midwife does not mean that she will be with you for the duration of your labor or that she will necessarily provide the compassion and support that you need to birth your baby. The same is even more true for obstetricians in hospitals. Some are quite good at what they do and work hard to be present for birthing women, but the reality in hospitals is that your o.b. will only be available to you for brief periods during labor and then pushing. Nurses are slightly more available, but not by much due to case load and staffing. And it's sort of like playing russian roulette...you may get a nurse/o.b./midwife who you like and who is responsive to your needs but you might also get a caregiver who is tired/jaded/on a power trip etc...and end up feeling ignored/pressured during your birth. Personally, it's not a gamble I'd want to make.
But, going back to first-timers, I did not think as critically about my caregivers before giving birth for the first time. I wonder why? It could have been over-confidence. It could have been simple ignorance. So, I guess in answer to the question what would I, as a first-time mama, want to have known in addition to basic knowledge of labor, would be that I should place most of my time and energy on deciding who is attending my birth. Factors to consider when making that decision would include: finding out their experience, what are their views on birth, if possible reading reviews of other patients' experiences with them and knowing just how available they will be for you during labor. If someone has a huge case load and will be bouncing between you and other laboring mamas, I urge you to strongly consider finding someone you trust who will be able to stay with you for the whole time. You may be that first-timer who experiences labor as not as hard as you thought and feel confident in yourself and your partners' ability to do this on your own, but more than likely you will want someone who knows birth and who makes you feel good to stay with you, and you will not want them to leave...ever.
Imagine you are planning a trip into unknown and potentially dangerous territory. You could read all you could about that place, but nothing would compare to the feelings of relief and confidence boost that you would get if you knew that an experienced guide would be with you the whole time. You'd probably relax more, feel better about the whole thing and be able to really take in the whole experience without having to concentrate as hard on what's going on at each moment. You could just give yourself over to the experience knowing there is a safety net to fall back on, just in case.
Certified Birth Doula Services
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
The Difference Between Midwives & Doulas
So, I can't tell you how many times I've told potential clients that I am a doula and heard, "that's like a midwife, right?" I usually just pause, shake my head, and say, "nope. really not anything like that." I am now going to list all the ways that a doula differs from a midwife. Keep in mind that there is a lot about our attitudes to birth that may be similar but what I'm talking about is what we actually do-the services that we provide.
A doula is concerned with the emotional/comfort/coping needs of the laboring mother and her partner. A doula has nothing to do with the health and well being of mother or baby. What this means practically is that while your midwife is checking heart tones and charting, your doula is checking your body for signs of tension, eyeing your partner to see how he's holding up, and working hard to stay calm and focused on your needs and the needs of your partner.
This isn't to say that a midwife isn't also concerned with your emotional state. She very often is, but she also must concern herself with how you and baby are doing physically. Let's just say there is a drop in fetal heart tones. The midwife is busy trying to figure out why and to work out the best course of action. In this scenario, it will be your doula who is by your side encouraging your partner to stay close and either applying gentle massage or just offering calm support and presence as you go through those tense moments.
A midwife is very like a teacher. She has a lot of information/knowledge and very often has a lot of tricks of the trade that she can pull out to help when labor gets stuck or a specific complication arises. A doula has her own tricks of the trade and these all involve fostering a deep and lasting bond between a laboring women and her partner. The doula is most concerned with helping the mother own her birth and come away feeling heard, respected and loved.
The best analogy I've heard for a midwife is that of lifeguard. The midwife believes in the power of birth and our bodies' natural ability. She is on hand to spot potential complications and to deal with them. A doula, on the other hand, is most like a mother. She offers her care and love and also encourages her clients to stand on their own two feet. She knows that the best mother is the one who imbues her children with inner strength and conviction. She builds a warm cocoon of love and support and then encourages her children to fly.
A doula is concerned with the emotional/comfort/coping needs of the laboring mother and her partner. A doula has nothing to do with the health and well being of mother or baby. What this means practically is that while your midwife is checking heart tones and charting, your doula is checking your body for signs of tension, eyeing your partner to see how he's holding up, and working hard to stay calm and focused on your needs and the needs of your partner.
This isn't to say that a midwife isn't also concerned with your emotional state. She very often is, but she also must concern herself with how you and baby are doing physically. Let's just say there is a drop in fetal heart tones. The midwife is busy trying to figure out why and to work out the best course of action. In this scenario, it will be your doula who is by your side encouraging your partner to stay close and either applying gentle massage or just offering calm support and presence as you go through those tense moments.
A midwife is very like a teacher. She has a lot of information/knowledge and very often has a lot of tricks of the trade that she can pull out to help when labor gets stuck or a specific complication arises. A doula has her own tricks of the trade and these all involve fostering a deep and lasting bond between a laboring women and her partner. The doula is most concerned with helping the mother own her birth and come away feeling heard, respected and loved.
The best analogy I've heard for a midwife is that of lifeguard. The midwife believes in the power of birth and our bodies' natural ability. She is on hand to spot potential complications and to deal with them. A doula, on the other hand, is most like a mother. She offers her care and love and also encourages her clients to stand on their own two feet. She knows that the best mother is the one who imbues her children with inner strength and conviction. She builds a warm cocoon of love and support and then encourages her children to fly.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
The Art (Work) of Visualization
Using different forms of visualization techniques are becoming more popular for women preparing to birth. Many women these days will have taken or are at least aware of Hypnobirthing classes where you learn self-hypnosis techniques and train yourself by repeating affirmations and going inward, or prenatal yoga classes with daily meditations/affirmations incorporated as part of your practice.
Visualizing a positive birth experience is a wonderful thing to do when preparing for birth. It gives you a good focus and helps you calm any fears or concerns you may have about the process. And as you all know, what you say and think has a strong correlation to your body and each influences the other. For example, if you think, "Oh boy, my co-workers are all sick, I'm sure to get sick too." The more you think that you are going to get sick the more likely it is that your body will respond and get sick! However, if you say to yourself, "I am strong, my body is strong, this time I will not get sick." You actually increase the likelihood that your immune system will fight any germs/disease and keep you healthy. Now each does influence the other, so even if you're thinking positive, "I will not get sick," if you eat really unhealthy or neglect to exercise, your body may not be strong enough to work with your mind and keep you healthy. The two, mind and body, are an inseparable pair.
Because your mind and body are so connected, it is important to note that when practicing a visualization technique you should be aware of the danger of practicing what I'll call, "wishful thinking" rather than an actual visualization. The distinction is fine, but important. True visualization involves going inward and examining your inner questions, concerns and then figuring out what you need to do and say to best prepare for and address that question. For example, a mother who is worried about birthing a big baby may visualize her body getting big enough to allow her baby to come out. She may say, "No matter how big my baby is, my body can grow bigger." If she repeats this enough, she will start to believe it and then during the birth if fear or doubt creeps in, she can call on that visualization and affirmation to help her get through.
Now what happens if this mother is one of the rare few whose pelvis is actually too small to fit a baby through? Will all her visualization preparation have been for nothing? Is she destined to be devastated and regretful over her birth experience? Not if she had been practicing true visualization.
The key is in the final step of the visualization process--letting go of outcomes. You first do all the hard work of finding your question/concern, looking at it from all angles and figuring out what is in your power to do, doing that, repeating your affirmation daily, and then allowing your actual experience to unfold as it will. If you have done everything in your power to prevent a fear from coming true or if you have spent time building up your confidence in your body and then you allow that there are other forces beyond your control that will play their part; you will be free to accept and experience your birth as it is happening without too much resistance or attempts to control the process. When all is said and done you will know in your heart that you did all you could and this was just how your body and your experience unfolded.
Wishful thinking involves repeating an affirmation or practicing visualizing something that you want without ever doing the deeper work of examining your desires from all angles and taking steps to make sure it can happen. Wishful thinking is wanting something with your mind without ever involving your body in the process. As I said before, the two are inseparable. You could say every day all day, "I am going to win the lottery," but if you never actually go out and buy a ticket...no amount of focusing your mental energy will make it come true.
Take the time to figure out what is most important for you to know/have/experience in order to birth and then involve your mind and body in the process of achieving it. Figure out the what, do whatever is in your power to do and then let go of the details on how you get it. Trust that you will get what you need and that you will be strong enough to adapt and change and respond to your unique situation as it unfolds.
Visualizing a positive birth experience is a wonderful thing to do when preparing for birth. It gives you a good focus and helps you calm any fears or concerns you may have about the process. And as you all know, what you say and think has a strong correlation to your body and each influences the other. For example, if you think, "Oh boy, my co-workers are all sick, I'm sure to get sick too." The more you think that you are going to get sick the more likely it is that your body will respond and get sick! However, if you say to yourself, "I am strong, my body is strong, this time I will not get sick." You actually increase the likelihood that your immune system will fight any germs/disease and keep you healthy. Now each does influence the other, so even if you're thinking positive, "I will not get sick," if you eat really unhealthy or neglect to exercise, your body may not be strong enough to work with your mind and keep you healthy. The two, mind and body, are an inseparable pair.
Because your mind and body are so connected, it is important to note that when practicing a visualization technique you should be aware of the danger of practicing what I'll call, "wishful thinking" rather than an actual visualization. The distinction is fine, but important. True visualization involves going inward and examining your inner questions, concerns and then figuring out what you need to do and say to best prepare for and address that question. For example, a mother who is worried about birthing a big baby may visualize her body getting big enough to allow her baby to come out. She may say, "No matter how big my baby is, my body can grow bigger." If she repeats this enough, she will start to believe it and then during the birth if fear or doubt creeps in, she can call on that visualization and affirmation to help her get through.
Now what happens if this mother is one of the rare few whose pelvis is actually too small to fit a baby through? Will all her visualization preparation have been for nothing? Is she destined to be devastated and regretful over her birth experience? Not if she had been practicing true visualization.
The key is in the final step of the visualization process--letting go of outcomes. You first do all the hard work of finding your question/concern, looking at it from all angles and figuring out what is in your power to do, doing that, repeating your affirmation daily, and then allowing your actual experience to unfold as it will. If you have done everything in your power to prevent a fear from coming true or if you have spent time building up your confidence in your body and then you allow that there are other forces beyond your control that will play their part; you will be free to accept and experience your birth as it is happening without too much resistance or attempts to control the process. When all is said and done you will know in your heart that you did all you could and this was just how your body and your experience unfolded.
Wishful thinking involves repeating an affirmation or practicing visualizing something that you want without ever doing the deeper work of examining your desires from all angles and taking steps to make sure it can happen. Wishful thinking is wanting something with your mind without ever involving your body in the process. As I said before, the two are inseparable. You could say every day all day, "I am going to win the lottery," but if you never actually go out and buy a ticket...no amount of focusing your mental energy will make it come true.
Take the time to figure out what is most important for you to know/have/experience in order to birth and then involve your mind and body in the process of achieving it. Figure out the what, do whatever is in your power to do and then let go of the details on how you get it. Trust that you will get what you need and that you will be strong enough to adapt and change and respond to your unique situation as it unfolds.
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