I've been thinking a lot lately about the unique needs of first time parents. I know I was once a first-timer myself, but still it's hard to think about what specifically would have benefited me--what I would have liked to have known before giving birth for the first time. Plus, each person differs in their approach/experience going into birth for the first time. Some women have very specific expectations and know a lot about the birth process and what they want out of it. Others feel less sure, less experienced and feel good leaving themselves open to whatever comes. I'd like to point out also that no matter how much a woman "knows" about birth beforehand; it doesn't mean she is prepared to birth.
I knew a lot before giving birth to my firstborn. I had read millions of books (seriously) and I had attended a Bradley Childbirth class, which met for 12 consecutive Sundays for 2 hours each. Talk about intense preparation. I'd like to think that even though I wouldn't classify my first birth as a good birth, I still knew enough to make informed choices and surround myself with loving supportive people--which makes a huge difference.
So, having a lot of information meant that I could make informed decisions about my labor and birth. It didn't mean that I stuck with my convictions--the opposite was true. I didn't want my water broken or to have an episiotomy--I ended up with both, and when they were offered I gladly accepted them. On the other hand, somewhere in my subconscious I avoided a cesarean by making sure that whenever I mentioned wanting one I was only in the presence of my husband and not one of the midwives. I think that was my way of giving voice to the pain I was feeling without opening myself up to the possibility that I would be taken seriously.
I also had my mother and sisters there with me and my husband. Unfortunately, at the time neither my mother nor sisters had experience with vaginal birth. I say unfortunately because that meant none of them could give me the encouragement/support that I so desperately needed. Having a loving, compassionate person with you at a birth is a step in the right direction, but if labor is long or complicated nothing beats having a trained professional by your side.
I've written before that sometimes a midwife can offer that trained, compassionate support, but the point I need to stress is that just because someone is a midwife does not mean that she will be with you for the duration of your labor or that she will necessarily provide the compassion and support that you need to birth your baby. The same is even more true for obstetricians in hospitals. Some are quite good at what they do and work hard to be present for birthing women, but the reality in hospitals is that your o.b. will only be available to you for brief periods during labor and then pushing. Nurses are slightly more available, but not by much due to case load and staffing. And it's sort of like playing russian roulette...you may get a nurse/o.b./midwife who you like and who is responsive to your needs but you might also get a caregiver who is tired/jaded/on a power trip etc...and end up feeling ignored/pressured during your birth. Personally, it's not a gamble I'd want to make.
But, going back to first-timers, I did not think as critically about my caregivers before giving birth for the first time. I wonder why? It could have been over-confidence. It could have been simple ignorance. So, I guess in answer to the question what would I, as a first-time mama, want to have known in addition to basic knowledge of labor, would be that I should place most of my time and energy on deciding who is attending my birth. Factors to consider when making that decision would include: finding out their experience, what are their views on birth, if possible reading reviews of other patients' experiences with them and knowing just how available they will be for you during labor. If someone has a huge case load and will be bouncing between you and other laboring mamas, I urge you to strongly consider finding someone you trust who will be able to stay with you for the whole time. You may be that first-timer who experiences labor as not as hard as you thought and feel confident in yourself and your partners' ability to do this on your own, but more than likely you will want someone who knows birth and who makes you feel good to stay with you, and you will not want them to leave...ever.
Imagine you are planning a trip into unknown and potentially dangerous territory. You could read all you could about that place, but nothing would compare to the feelings of relief and confidence boost that you would get if you knew that an experienced guide would be with you the whole time. You'd probably relax more, feel better about the whole thing and be able to really take in the whole experience without having to concentrate as hard on what's going on at each moment. You could just give yourself over to the experience knowing there is a safety net to fall back on, just in case.
No comments:
Post a Comment