Hold tight, I'm going to get around to the topic of this post but first I need to go on a round-about to get there...
Women were designed to birth--physiologically speaking we all know this to be true. I remember an old psychology professor of mine lecturing on how women were much stronger than men. Although men possess the bigger muscle groups, women have the stronger immune systems. We were designed to survive.
Following this topic, I think it interesting to note discrepancies in popular thinking. For instance, most people would say that women, girls in particular, need to be made to feel their value and given every opportunity to be told they can do and be anything they want to be. If you were to say the same about men, boys in particular, most people would dismiss it as unnecessary. Aren't boys already too inclined to think themselves masters of their own destinies? Don't they already have every advantage over their less powerful girl counterparts?
I read a book that cited recent studies showing the reverse to be true. Girls, for the most part in our country, do grow up feeling that they are valued and in fact are more apt to raise their hands in school and go on to higher education. Boys, however, are less inclined to raise their hands, are blamed for more disruptive behavior in school and are nowadays less likely to go on to higher education. So, where does all this popular thinking come from? Or are we just operating on outdated information?
What does all this have to do with birth? Well, I think there has been a subtle shift over the years following the Women's Right's Movement. Again to quote my professor, whenever an extreme occurs i.e. women being treated as second class citizens, an extreme response is generally called for as a corrective. However, on the road to finding balance it is often necessary/inevitable to swing out to the opposite extreme before you are able to settle again.
I think rather than belittling or undervaluing women, these days there seems to be more belittling/undervaluing of men going on. Watch any television sitcom. There is almost always a quirky/beautiful/smart woman followed by a sweet/ignorant/less capable male counterpart. Getting back to birth...watch any show and you'll see the husband break into a cold sweat and then invariably pass out just as the baby is about to be born. The exasperated women just rolls her eyes and gets down to the business at hand.
So, to question popular thinking. Is this really true? Since allowing men to be more involved in birthing, have they proven themselves to be more of a hassle than a help? In my experience, as above, the reverse is true. When given the right tools and support, men totally rock the birth scene. Here's how the situation typically goes:
I (as the doula) meet with the dad-to-be and give him a rundown of events. He tries to look interested but continues to hold with his private convictions which are that he'll be there to hold her hand and run for ice chips but he won't be doing much more than that. I smile, because secretly I know the truth. Once labor starts, I arrive to a scene which usually involves a very active dad running around to make sure there's food and everything packed. Then while labor gets more intense, he stands for hours in a cramped position to keep his wife comfortable. He gives steady counter-pressure. Wets wash-clothes. Holds steady as his wife hangs on to him for support. He doesn't complain once that he needs a break or could use some food/rest whatever. His stamina rivals his wife's...it seems to be fueled on the feeling of, "if she can do this, the least I can do is stand by her." And he does. The coolest part for me usually comes at the end where the dads who were most vehemently opposed to watching the baby be born (I'll be standing at the head of the bed thank you very much!) are actually the ones most excited, overwhelmed, awed by the whole process that they are right there to see their baby be born. It is an awesome moment.
So, don't get suckered into believing popular thought without at least testing the waters first.
